Why you need to stop lying to yourself

The human mind baffles me sometimes. We often choose to see what we want to see, and stay ignorance about everything else. We convince ourselves that reality is what we picture in our head, even though it clearly is not.

Self-deception is the process of lying to ourselves without realizing that we are doing it.

The funny thing is, we all do it at one point or another. Our subconscious mind works hard to protect our feelings from confusion and harm, and in the process often blind us to the truth. If it goes on for long enough, self deception can completely derail us from the right course in life.

So why do we do it?

As I mentioned earlier, we often don’t even know that we’re in a state of denial. Even when many people try to alert us to the truth, we can still choose to believe otherwise.

For example, a woman who is in a physically and mentally abusive relationship believes that her partner was just doing it out of love, or the lack of knowledge about how to express love. They tell themselves that their abuser will improve and become better over time. Every one of her friends tell her she needs to leave the abusive relationship, but she stays in a stage of self-deception because she refuses to believe that her abuser is a bad person.

“We deceive ourselves because we don’t have enough psychological strength to admit the truth and deal with the consequences that will follow”, psychological expert Cortney S. Warren once said.
One major cost of self-deception is that we hurt ourselves and those we love the most when we don’t take full responsibility for our own choices or try to make ourselves better. When we use painful life experiences to justify being a non-ideal version of ourselves, or to justify the bad behaviour of their loved ones, they are merely making things worse.

Another cost of self-deception is that it can leave us with mountains of regret. During this state, we may have made some choices that have caused some harmful results. What is unfortunate is that when looking back at life with regrets, you realise that there is nothing you can do to change what has already happened, and you have to live with that regret for the rest of your life.
How can we be true to ourselves? Here are some thoughts that you might be interested in:

1.Identify your life purpose, values and goals

Set small goals that move you in the direction of your bigger goals and values. When faced with difficult situations, aslk yourself what do you really want in life.

2.Be aware of your self-talk

What do you think of when you first wake up in the morning? Are your thoughts supportive and positive? Be your own best coach, not your own worst critic. Watch your own thoughts and keep them positive.

3.Take time to play

Life can get really tough, so this is important. Give yourself a break so you can recharge by allowing yourself to do the things that you love. When you get back to work, you will see things with clearer thoughts.

4.Honor your strengths

Write down the 3 strongest things about you. Ask a friend’s opinion if you need to. Think about your strengths, respect them, and think about how you can further optimise them.

5.Get help if you feel stuck

If you are in serious need of help, don’t hesitate to talk to a supportive friend or family member, or even seek proffessional help. Read about others’ experiences, and reflect upon you own. Eventually you will come to appreciate who you really are, and stay true to yourself.

请别自欺欺人了!

人类有时让我很困惑,因为我们总是选择性的听我们想听的事情、看我们看的东西,然后对许多事物宁可保持一种“无知”、“不欲探究”的态度。我们宁愿勾勒一幅能安慰我们画面,相信它,也不去理会事情的真相,但你必须知道,现实很多时候并非如此。

因为,这样得行为就是自欺欺人。

而最可笑的是,几乎每个人都有自欺欺人的时候。当我们遇到了让我嫩难过或难以承受的事情,我们就会启动防御机制来保护自己不被伤害,沉浸在一个不真实的认知里。难受的事情一天不解决,我们就会继续自欺欺人。

为何我们要如此做呢?

就如我一开始所说的,因为我们不愿意接受现实,于是我们选择逃避。

打个比方,那些遭受身心虐待的女性通常都拥有一个不懂表达爱或是不够爱的另一半。这些身心受虐的女性永远都相信一个道理,也就是“他会变好的”,纵使身边的好友都劝她离开,他依然能固执的骗自己对方并不是坏人。

“我们会欺骗自己全都是因为我们的心理不够强大,至少不够说服自己承认事实以及承担尾随而来的后果”,著名的心理学界Cortney S. Warren说道。

而你又知道吗?你在自欺欺人时,受伤害不仅是你自己而已,还有那些爱你的人。因为你不珍惜自己、不爱惜自己,因为你并没有为自己的选择负上完全的责任,因为你一味袒护那些对你不好的人,你这样做,只会让爱你的人感到难过、感到无能为力!

另外,自欺欺人也会让你日后陷入无限的悔恨,因为你的盲目,将会让你做出不好的决定,而当你领悟一切都是错误时,也已经太迟了,终其一生,你或许都会活在悔恨当中。

那我们要怎样才能做到对自己坦诚呢?我想跟大家分享一些我的想法:

1.请确定你的人生目标与价值

为自己的人生设定一些小小的目标,实现之后,再一步一步的去设定更大的目标。当遇上一些考验你的情况时,问你自己:这些是不是你所要的?

2.常常跟自己对话

每天早上起床后,你首先会想起什么事情?你是否保持正面思维?做你自己最好的朋友,而不是最负面的朋友。请常常提醒自己要保持正面的思维!

3.让自己有放松的时间

让自己有充电的时间吧,让自己能放松身心,做自己喜欢做的事请,当你回到工作岗位的时候,你会感觉到自己充满正能量!

4.了解自己的长处与优点

写下自己最强的三个优点,再问问身边的朋友!多想想之际的优点,喜欢它并爱上它,然后再想想应该怎样好好利用自己的优点开拓未来。

5.若觉得自己遇上阻碍情节的求救

若你觉得自己快撑不下去时,请勇于向身边的亲朋好友或是专业人士求助。多听听别人的经验,或许你会得到一个很好的反思机会。你会感激得到一个与自己对话的机会,重新尊重自己、爱自己!

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